Showing posts with label bicycle heaven. Show all posts
Showing posts with label bicycle heaven. Show all posts

Monday, October 12, 2009

Hollow Be Thy Frame–Celebrating the Bike Temple Grand Opening

Freak bikes, ministers, young, and old all converged on the new Bike Temple location this weekend to celebrate its grand opening in an inspiring and uplifting event.

The celebration started early as the Freak Bike Fall Alley Cat racers showed up out front, the undisclosed finish line to the annual checkpoint challenge that pits tall bikes, long bikes, mini bikes, and even a shopping cart cargo bike against each other. The racers showed up panting, lipstick smeared, and ready for some healing. Soon after people started flocking to the temple from high and low, each one rolling their blessed bicycles into the temple doors to park against pews in the sanctuary.

Pasture Ted and the Kernal graciously cooked up some food for the masses, which was pleasantly accompanied by some communion thanks to Josh and the Deacon, and, after some great fellowship with our bicycle brothers and sisters, we headed into the sanctuary for services.

The services in the sanctuary started off with everyone in attendance rolling their venerated transportation tool down the aisle to the alter, where the Pasture and Padre Joe blessed their chains with holy anointing oil while the Deacon sang bicycle-themed Gregorian chants. After everyone's bicycles had been blessed, and The Door Prize was proudly displayed on stage, the congregation sat down for a sermon.

Deacon Amos started off with a short introduction to the Bike Temple, Pasture Ted than told us the history of his mission and how this whole thing came to be, and the Kernal blessed us with a wonderfully inspiring sermon, a vision of a cycling utopia in real life, an uplifting message for the believers, who sat with heads bowed and eyes closed. After the sermons we took a few confessions from the congregation, who repented of recent transportation transgressions, and who were forgiven by the Temple.We followed the confessions with a recital of the newly-authored (still a work in progress) "Bicycle Pledge of Allegance", which was manifested that very day by sister Lauren...

I pledge allegiance to my bike, in the anarchist state of Cascadia, and to the fun movement for which it stands, one cycle, under your mom, do-it-your-damn-self, with free love and helmets for all!


After the pledge the crowd joined Rev. Phil on stage with hands linked and heads bowed, who lead us in a group recital of the Bicycle Lord's Prayer.

It was a truly awesome and inspiring sight to see so many people committed to the cause who weren't afraid to bare themselves and have fun doing it. The sound of bike bells ringing through a church was a first for us, and it just sounded right.

Friday, May 8, 2009

So, If There's a Bicycle Heaven...

Not all beliefs teach that hell is the only alternative to life success, but many do. Which begs the question, "If there is a bicycle heaven, is there a bicycle hell?"

I would like to think so. A place where oil executives toast in the fumes of their own spoils? Where all hit-and-run drivers are eternally knocked to the cold pavement teeth first?
This page has another idea. Here they describe a hell for the unholy cyclist...

Bicycle hell is no place to be. Tires hold no air, due mainly to their triangular-only construction. And you thought square wheels were bad. Where you have to go is eternally uphill, steeper and steeper toward the summit that never comes. There is no beer in bicycle hell, no breaks, no time off of the clock, and you never, ever get to sit, being as there's no bicycle seats down there anyway. Your legs can never stretch out in front of you. Ibuprofen? Hah.

What are your views of heaven and hell? What will bicycle heaven and bicycle hell look like? Who's going where?

Leave a comment, or just pretend those are rhetorical.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Are you going to Bicycle Heaven?

What is Bicycle Heaven?

Bicycle Heaven is a cycling utopia. It is a place where rivers are clean, skies are blue, and people are healthy. Bicycle heaven can only be reached by those who believe in the bicycle and it’s power to save the world from destruction.
Do I have to worship my bicycle?

Nope. But you are more than welcome to. In fact, the Bike Temple believes that you should be free to worship anything and everything you want. To get into bicycle heaven you only need to believe in the bicycle.